Reaching out...

As military wives we are forced to leave our friends and make new ones again and again. As time goes by do we learn to make friends more easily, or is it that we have matured more or become more confident socially? We are all different and that’s what makes each of us special; and we ALL have something to contribute. I love the quote by Dwight Edwards “Comparison is the thief of Joy.” In other words, NEVER compare yourself with another. No one can be the fabulous YOU! 

Today I had the good pleasure of having breakfast with a great lady who is a community gem. Her name is Ligia. She is from Puerto Rico originally, but has settled (many years ago) here in central Kansas. She is a retired school teacher and now devotes much of her time (along with her husband Larry) supporting the community and our troops here at Ft. Riley. She knows just about everyone in town (my belief is that her goal is to know every soldier as well) – yes it’s a small town, but imagine being so loved and respected. People are just drawn to her; and no wonder, she has the soul of an angel. She is beautiful inside and out.  She is one of the first civilians we met shortly after arriving to Ft. Riley. It was at a welcome home ceremony for soldiers and the story she told me this morning brought me to tears.

She told me how she loves “her soldiers” as she calls them. How she likes doing things for them (like baking cookies) and just talking to them. You can surely see the love in her eyes, no doubt.  She then began to tell me a story that takes place a couple of years ago when she went to see troops off as they were about to deploy. She always mingles with the crowd; I’ve seen her in action at welcome home ceremonies so I know this is true.  She told me how there were soldiers all around; some with wives, babies, and even parents. But she told me how she was drawn to a soldier that had no one. She went up to him and talked to him for a few minutes and then it was time for the soldiers to leave. She said she looked into his eyes and told him “I will be right here when you get back! I promise; so you better come back!” Imagine this with her cute Puerto Rican accent.  As he walked away and was boggled down with all his gear he turned around and gave her thumbs up! She smiled.

Just about a year had gone by and it was time for those same soldiers from the Big Red One to be returning from their deployment. As always she was there; there to welcome those that had given their ALL for the past year.  After the troops were released she made her way to the back to speak to the single soldiers. The ones that either didn’t have family or the family couldn’t (for whatever reason) make it. She wanted to let them know how proud she was of them and that she appreciated them for their service. As she hugged and conversed with these young men (she didn’t even know) she felt someone grab her arm. It was “him”.  He quickly reminded her of the promise she had made. She smiled, gave him a big hug and said “Welcome Home”. She said he squeezed her so tightly that she thought she might break. As she got in her car that night she told me how she cried; she had forgotten all about that promise a year ago and had even forgotten that soldiers face and name. She told me about how horrible she felt in that instant.  I quickly said to her with tears in my eyes “Ligia, he doesn’t know that. What he will ALWAYS remember is that you made a promise and made good on that promise. Imagine how that must have felt to him when he needed it most.”

The good people like Ligia make this Army life so much easier and seem worthwhile for our soldiers; my soldiers. They need to know and to hear “Thank You for your service”.  I get to do it daily and it makes me happy. I know we all have very busy lives, but I always say that people take the time to do the things that are important to them. Reach out and make someone’s day, I can assure you that you’ll be richer for it.  

Ligia (in purple) & I at the Big Red One and Army Birthday Celebration 2012 (Ft. Riley, KS)

Happy Anniversary my Friend

As I look back and reflect on my marriage (celebrating 28 years together) I remember a lot. I remember a boy who joined the Army at the age of 17.  I remember a girl that was in love with that boy. I remember a young couple growing together building a family and making memories along the way.  I remember the years of happiness with two kids who are now two fantastic young adults. I remember it all.

Marriage isn’t easy; no one ever said that it was. You certainly aren’t given a survival manual to guide you along the way. There isn’t a tutorial to show you how to make it or how to resolve issues you encounter as a couple or family; and your parents are not always the best model to follow and that’s okay. You CAN have a successful and happy marriage. But just like anything else, it will require work and a lot of it. Just as with anything, I believe that you get out of it what you put into it! Often you may hear people say that relationships are 50/50….that’s NOT true; they are 100/100. Each person must give of themselves 100 percent. That doesn’t mean that you will not go through your fare share of struggles or that it will even be terrific all the time; because it will not be. But you can build something wonderful and something that IS everlasting.

I’ve been asked many times by friends what I thought the secret to a happy marriage is; we have all had that conversation, haven’t we?   I always say that ultimately you have to actually “like” the person you marry. Of course along with that will come respect, forgiveness and all those other things we promise in our vow exchange, but ultimately a genuine liking is what matters most in my opinion. Certainly you realize that you can love someone and not like them at times.

Kids will grow up and leave the house and many other dynamics of your family will change, but if you are truly friends, you can always find a way to work things out. I really do not think that’s a secret.  A successful marriage is not one that has not endured challenges because they all do in their own way. It is not one that gives up; it is the one that experiences growth from those challenges; this growth is what I call resiliency.  Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity.I do not believe that to simply go through a struggle makes us stronger or wiser; it is the lesson we learn from the struggle that molds us.  This is where love comes in; true love.