Happy Anniversary my Friend

As I look back and reflect on my marriage (celebrating 28 years together) I remember a lot. I remember a boy who joined the Army at the age of 17.  I remember a girl that was in love with that boy. I remember a young couple growing together building a family and making memories along the way.  I remember the years of happiness with two kids who are now two fantastic young adults. I remember it all.

Marriage isn’t easy; no one ever said that it was. You certainly aren’t given a survival manual to guide you along the way. There isn’t a tutorial to show you how to make it or how to resolve issues you encounter as a couple or family; and your parents are not always the best model to follow and that’s okay. You CAN have a successful and happy marriage. But just like anything else, it will require work and a lot of it. Just as with anything, I believe that you get out of it what you put into it! Often you may hear people say that relationships are 50/50….that’s NOT true; they are 100/100. Each person must give of themselves 100 percent. That doesn’t mean that you will not go through your fare share of struggles or that it will even be terrific all the time; because it will not be. But you can build something wonderful and something that IS everlasting.

I’ve been asked many times by friends what I thought the secret to a happy marriage is; we have all had that conversation, haven’t we?   I always say that ultimately you have to actually “like” the person you marry. Of course along with that will come respect, forgiveness and all those other things we promise in our vow exchange, but ultimately a genuine liking is what matters most in my opinion. Certainly you realize that you can love someone and not like them at times.

Kids will grow up and leave the house and many other dynamics of your family will change, but if you are truly friends, you can always find a way to work things out. I really do not think that’s a secret.  A successful marriage is not one that has not endured challenges because they all do in their own way. It is not one that gives up; it is the one that experiences growth from those challenges; this growth is what I call resiliency.  Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity.I do not believe that to simply go through a struggle makes us stronger or wiser; it is the lesson we learn from the struggle that molds us.  This is where love comes in; true love.